I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
