dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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