i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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