Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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