Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
