I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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