I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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