I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
