my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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