I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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