there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your penis caused this!
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