i permit you to call me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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