OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
