Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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