if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
