cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
