I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
