Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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