So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
