Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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