He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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