More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
