but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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