You're my little dorito
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
