I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
