she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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