my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
