pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
