There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My penis needs a shock collar
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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