but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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