so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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