Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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