A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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