Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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