haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
