is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
