can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
