I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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