i already hear my dad disowning me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
