At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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