you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
