It's just like the Real World with babies
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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