ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
