just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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