she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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