You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
