the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
