Jerry, you need to find god
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
