You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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