**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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