is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need a beard to bite.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
