It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I could fuck to npr.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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