1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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