that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
