just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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