there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
