I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
