he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
