my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
