I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
