In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
