since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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