Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
