Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize