how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
