Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
