He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
