Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
