so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
