This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
